I am a pacifist in many ways. I have strong beliefs and people around me generally can insinuate what they are, but I am not loud about them. When someone starts spewing to me what is absolute fact to them, telling me why their idea of right is the rightest version, I do not choose to get in their face about why they are wrong. Some would say that is wrong. That I am a doormat, pliable, changable. I would not agree. There are generally two reasons I choose to remain silent, and neither of them involve weakness of values.
One: Arguing will only make the situation uglier.
If we have both acknowledged that our opinions differ, then we have had a highly civilized conversation. If we both keep spewing the same slightly rephrased reasons over and over we will end up in an ugly, hostile place. And that is not necessary, that is avoidable, if we can just agree to disagree. So if I know a person who is argumentative, defensive, needs to be right, I am going to let them be. The world needs its louder people too. In the meantime I will remain my silent, nodding self, because if I match their attitude, our relationship won't last long. Neither one of us would win. The only winner would be the argument, and why should we let such a transparent entity dictate our lives?
Two: When in the Argument Ring clear articulation of my opinion is usually not in my corner.
There are times when defending oneself or an important belief is necessary. I am not going to deny an important value of mine just because someone is louder. Here in lies a problem, however. My stupid mouth cannot quite form the exact phrase I would like it to. Why? Because I do not want to rebuttal in an uninformed manner. I do not want to appear condescending. When the response is born in my mind, it is flawless. Words are formed and arranged so they illustrate perfectly what my heart is feeling. Unfortunately there is some sort of reverse filter between my mind and my mouth that keeps all decent phrasing locked up while nonsensical, raw words slither out. And that also takes us to an ugly, hostile place. I am working on this problem, always working on it, and hopefully one day it will cease to exist. Wishful thinking is glorious is it not?
Regardless, however, I am going to remain rather silent. I am going to be the yin to your yang. I value relationships and do not see the point in adding greatly to the world's noise. There will be times when I will speak up, times when I will gently rebuttal, and when I do so you will know the issue carries great weight in my heart. Hopefully my stupid mouth will cooperate for such occasions.
Perhaps we can work on that together, eh John?
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