No Excuses

I watched a movie recently that I still ponder on occasion. "Remember Me" was the title. It will not be a particularly remembered movie, and it has its fair share of critics. On the surface it is a rather tragic movie. Tragic death, tragic love, tragic childhood. Also Robert Pattinson plays the lead character, and his involvement with Twilight discredits his acting skills in the eyes of some.

But you must set these things aside when you watch this movie. Oh, and if anyone has told you how it ends, set that aside as well. Try your best to go into it liberated from preconceived notions and pre-knowledge. Then you will find, as I did, that the movie is truth. It is about real life. It is honest about death. It is many truths rolled into a beautifully shot film. And no matter how tragic, it has a beautiful message that aches a little because it is so irrevocably unavoidable.

To find the message you have to let go a little. Try not to analyze every tragic look that lasts too long or question the acting. Allow yourself to meet the characters, to learn them, walk with them. They are imperfect like real people. Allow yourself to feel the pain, love, hope, anger, and loss. By doing so you will realize how real the story is, how plausible. I am positive there are a group of connected people who have experienced the story "Remember Me" as their real lives. Once you have reached that point, when the story becomes real, you will see the message.

We must live by loving openly, especially amongst tragedy.

Humans use tragedy as an excuse to stop loving, but we have it all backwards. It is because tragedy exists that we must love without reservations. There are too many unknowns in life, too many imperfections. Really, the only thing we can do right, maybe even perfectly, is to live through loving.

Me and My Stupid Mouth will be the Yin to your Yang

My stupid mouth. It doesn't get me in trouble. It just can't say what I would like it to say at times.

I am a pacifist in many ways. I have strong beliefs and people around me generally can insinuate what they are, but I am not loud about them. When someone starts spewing to me what is absolute fact to them, telling me why their idea of right is the rightest version, I do not choose to get in their face about why they are wrong. Some would say that is wrong. That I am a doormat, pliable, changable. I would not agree. There are generally two reasons I choose to remain silent, and neither of them involve weakness of values.

One: Arguing will only make the situation uglier.

If we have both acknowledged that our opinions differ, then we have had a highly civilized conversation. If we both keep spewing the same slightly rephrased reasons over and over we will end up in an ugly, hostile place. And that is not necessary, that is avoidable, if we can just agree to disagree. So if I know a person who is argumentative, defensive, needs to be right, I am going to let them be. The world needs its louder people too. In the meantime I will remain my silent, nodding self, because if I match their attitude, our relationship won't last long. Neither one of us would win. The only winner would be the argument, and why should we let such a transparent entity dictate our lives?

Two: When in the Argument Ring clear articulation of my opinion is usually not in my corner.

There are times when defending oneself or an important belief is necessary. I am not going to deny an important value of mine just because someone is louder. Here in lies a problem, however. My stupid mouth cannot quite form the exact phrase I would like it to. Why? Because I do not want to rebuttal in an uninformed manner. I do not want to appear condescending. When the response is born in my mind, it is flawless. Words are formed and arranged so they illustrate perfectly what my heart is feeling. Unfortunately there is some sort of reverse filter between my mind and my mouth that keeps all decent phrasing locked up while nonsensical, raw words slither out. And that also takes us to an ugly, hostile place. I am working on this problem, always working on it, and hopefully one day it will cease to exist. Wishful thinking is glorious is it not?

Regardless, however, I am going to remain rather silent. I am going to be the yin to your yang. I value relationships and do not see the point in adding greatly to the world's noise. There will be times when I will speak up, times when I will gently rebuttal, and when I do so you will know the issue carries great weight in my heart. Hopefully my stupid mouth will cooperate for such occasions.

Perhaps we can work on that together, eh John?

Wonderland

My mind is open now. It opened today. If you are worrying about all of my open organs, please don't. Sometimes they need a little air. And in my past experiences my mind doesn't stay open for nearly as long as my heart will. Which is why I must write about this opening now, quickly and briefly, before all of the pristine truths find an exit through my ears and fly away.

Pristine truth one is that I am a dreamer. A dreamer and a doer. And yes, it is possible to be both. I have big plans for the world. Correction, big plans for a world, perhaps only mine, perhaps yours, perhaps ours. But there are plans and someone has made plans for me as well. One day I will see them both side by side.

Pristine truth two is that I am a lover. A lover of people, of discovery, of art, of music, of peace, of worlds, of love. I am a lover of love. As such a lover I am meant to spread love, both alone and one day with someone who is a lover of people who are lovers of love.

Too many loves? That can never be true.

Pristine truth three is that life is possible. The life you picture in your head, that painting your heart has painted for you, it is possible. No exceptions. No "yes it would be nice if life were like this BUT..." You make it impossible by giving it a BUT. I make it impossible by giving it a BUT. Live life today, here, now, and most of all, open. Live life openly. You can do that, and when you do, life is possible.

Wonderland is possible; do not forget about yours.

Alice Part Two: Keep Wandering

My heart is open and feeling the tug of love that already exists, but is also open and feeling the tantalizing potential of love that will exist. Alice often feels a vibration similar to that of a recently strummed guitar string, and it sings "good love is on the way". The acuteness of feeling doesn't tell her when or how or who but the potential is there. It seems there is a special place in the open envelope, with a specific shape, depth, that someone will fit into perfectly. Only then will my heart fold back up, when there is someone in there to keep Alice with my face company. Someone who will understand her. They will be folded up side by side and that will mark another shifting moment in my life, just as this opening has done. One day my heart may open again, he may need to walk away, but the shifting that occurred will remain crucial to the constant creation of planet Me.

And finally, my heart has opened and is yearning to follow passion. This last feeling creates the most wonder in Alice's land. In its open state my heart can awaken Alice to new opportunities of passion. These, these are bright. These are tangible. These are numerous.

And these inspire much:

Firstly, creation: They inspire the creation of musical words which turn into lyrical sentences and eventually whole compositions of my thoughts.

Secondly, observation: They open my eyes. So much is beautiful. That man over there, he is a famous painting, of Van Gogh's I believe. Sun. Oh sun, sun, sun. You leave behind such a glorious golden dust.

Lastly, opportunity: They turn me towards opportunity. The opportunity to be a people's person, a learner of people, a helper of people. And then there is the opportunity of exploration through absorbing new knowledge, through travel. Lest I forget the opportunity of the unknown, which of course, is the most abundant, the most exhilirating, and creates the most wonder for dear Alice.

Stay wide-eyed Alice. Keep wandering. Keep feeling. I am learning much from your Wonderland and my open heart.